Outstanding Achievement In The Field Of Excellence

ABSOLUTELY COLOSSAL, UNFUCKWITHABLE NEWS: You Have Until Noon to Unlock the Secrets of the Universe is on the streets, thanks to the wonderful people at Lady Lazarus Press (formerly Goldfish Press)! First print run = sold the hell out, with another one in the works. Thanks to all who've cashed in their chips to date- visit the LLP Bookstore today to score your copy! It may or may not shake you to the core (but it probably will).

We Are All Connected In The Great Circle Of Life

Three new shorts, one colossal announcement:

(1) New(ish) stories ("Old Man River," "Tennis Yell," and "Two Capricorns") cold lamping at Arcadia, Anatomy, and Untoward, respectively. All I see is hearts for all involved. Extra-special love is reserved for Mr. Matt Rowan and the entire Untoward crew for making your dude a 2012 Pushcart Prize Nominee! Pushing it real good, indeed.

(2) The unimpeachably-tremendous posse at Goldfish Press will be publishing my first short-story collection, You Have Until Noon to Unlock the Secrets of the Universe, by the end of 2011. A mix of old faves and new crushes guaranteed to stuff your stockings this holiday season. Official release date/party details forthcoming!

Triple Threat

Three new ass-grabbingly-good yarns for y'all: (1) "The Team," courtesy of the swell gents at Dark Sky Magazine, (2) "My Psychic Life Coach," coming at you hard at Johnny America, and (3) "Circulation Desk," tearing up the Amazon sales rankings thanks to the fine folks at Fast Forward Press. Over and out.

Pony Up

Quickly, and before I lose interest in this episode of Rizzoli & Isles: two new print joints, "In the Parking Lot of The Land of Nod, An Angel!" and "Several-Horse Town," brought to you by the gorgeous folks at Petrichor Machine and Anobium, respectively. Both debut issues, both guaranteed to land your ass in juvie.

Crazy From The Heat

Quickly, lest the Flash Mobs get their grubby paws all over you...

Two new shits: (1) the fanciful "Gravy Boat," (still) sorta-hot off the presses at The Northville Review, and (2) the magnanimous "His Deal," courtesy of the local boys and girls of Curbside Splendor. Bicycle theft/distribution and Polish nuptials, respectively.

Chi-town Stay Down!

Petty Hate Machine

Losing a loved one to Hot Topic can be a debilitating blow to any family. The narrator of "Amethyst," your dude's recent contribution to the preposterously-swell Everyday Genius, knows this all too well. Pause The Downward Spiral for now and try this newest rambling on for size. Guaranteed to heat your ass up, like a pleather duster in Midtown Memphis come August. Much love to Adam Robinson for the inclusion.

Critical Lockdown II: Assignment Miami Beach

What happens when two tight bros dare to dream, put pen to paper, and ignore federal sentencing guidelines/every shred of common sense or dignity? Why, you get "Why We Must Write Prison Baby," graciously included in the debut issue of Kugelmass, that's what. Inside this real-ass book you'll find a cavalcade of stars (Mike Birbiglia, Larry Doyle, Steve Almond... shall I continue?). Also participating: me. It's not question of want. You must obtain this shit.