It Was Then That I Carried You...

...to a fun new website!  www.dontdissthewizard.blogspot.com is so 2008.  Do NOT continue to fuck with www.dontdissthewizard.blogspot.com.  www.jonathantaylorthomasnathanmundtdds.com is the new joint.  All stories, posts, and emotional bric-a-brac from DDTW have been properly "archived," so keep your shirt on. 

Ratchets welcome!  It's been sort of fun, Blogger. 

Times Infinity

Now that you've had your fill of reggae and its related backwards mic stand dance, feast your brain on these spicy nuggets (dippin' sauce sold separately):

(1)  "Out-Of-Office Reply," shaking you down for bus fare at Treehouse.  Giant ups to Johannes Lichtman and his posse for wedging this bad boy in there. 

(2)  "A Portrait Of The Sandwich Artist As A Drain On Mom's Boyfriend's Resources," popping a nollie heelflip over your dad's sixer of Old Milwaukee over at decomP.  Jason Jordan?  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

(3)  "Precocious," stealing your mail off Specter's front porch.  Sir Mensah Demary and his cabal are good people, plain and simple. 

I love you, but I'm not in love with you!

XOXOXOOOXOOOOOXOOOOOXOOOOOOXOOOXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOO

This Just In

A three-meat veggie sub to tide you over until Bison Burger Blowout 2012 (Las Cruces Airport Ramada, 09/13/12-09/15/12):

(1)  "My Hawaiian Shirts," a Finalist in Paper Darts' inaugural Short Fiction Award!  Thanks to the PD crew and judge Amelia Gray for bumpin' it. 

(2)  "Exit Interview," creepin' on your frontal lobe at Marco Polo Arts Magazine.  Large ups to Darin for wedging this one in, and next to some truly stunning work.  Purdy on the page and in your retinas.

(3)  "The Best Jeans For Your Body Type," measuring your inseam over at Spork Press.  Viele danke lobbed Joel's way for taking a chance on this tenacious lil' scrapper. 

Thank you, and may you and yours enjoy a great meal at a reasonable price at a time that makes sense. 

Extraordinary Measures

Shit's been busy, SO GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT!  Three new(ish) eventful happenings to share with your fitness-loving asses:
(1)  "Velázquez," creeping on your brain in Issue 2.4 of NAP
(2)  "The Impending Arrival of Rick," spitting game at your stepmom at Hidden Chapter
(3)  "The Non-Binding Employment Discussion," desecrating a gerbil's shallow grave at Defenestration

Arrivederci, boners!

Funky Dividends

Who better than Three Times Dope (with all due respect to Fun Boy Three) to introduce three new stories of varying length and format? First, send some shekels Apt's way so you can get your hands on Issue Two, wherein lies "Let's Play Bomb Scare." A real "up with people" romp, available in both print and PDF formats. Next, take the tour at Crack the Spine and wrap your head around Issue Nine's "Kitchen Bros,", an ode to the dudes in your life. Then, wind things down with a pop-in at HOOT, where Issue Four's "Amulet Gonna Fuck You Up" awaits. Thanks to the crack teams at all three publications for their respective nods!

Outstanding Achievement In The Field Of Excellence

ABSOLUTELY COLOSSAL, UNFUCKWITHABLE NEWS: You Have Until Noon to Unlock the Secrets of the Universe is on the streets, thanks to the wonderful people at Lady Lazarus Press (formerly Goldfish Press)! First print run = sold the hell out, with another one in the works. Thanks to all who've cashed in their chips to date- visit the LLP Bookstore today to score your copy! It may or may not shake you to the core (but it probably will).

We Are All Connected In The Great Circle Of Life

Three new shorts, one colossal announcement:

(1) New(ish) stories ("Old Man River," "Tennis Yell," and "Two Capricorns") cold lamping at Arcadia, Anatomy, and Untoward, respectively. All I see is hearts for all involved. Extra-special love is reserved for Mr. Matt Rowan and the entire Untoward crew for making your dude a 2012 Pushcart Prize Nominee! Pushing it real good, indeed.

(2) The unimpeachably-tremendous posse at Goldfish Press will be publishing my first short-story collection, You Have Until Noon to Unlock the Secrets of the Universe, by the end of 2011. A mix of old faves and new crushes guaranteed to stuff your stockings this holiday season. Official release date/party details forthcoming!