High 'N Tight

Your current haircut is awesome, beyond reproach. Of this I am certain. You're nothing like Hair Boy, the object of the protagonist's scorn in the conveniently-titled "Hair Boy,", your dude's newest offering (and nestled between the other top-notch reads in the debut issue of Dragnet Magazine). You're a regular Clark Gable, a real Georgia Peach. And, you love online lit mags with gorgeous layouts and multiple formats for your technology-beholden ass. So, that's why you're going to give the mirror a rest and pop in at Dragnet right quick, El Guapo. Congrats to Andrew and Jeremy on getting Issue One out the door- you folks clean up real nice.

Wait For It...

Much has been made of Gerald Rivers' bravery in the face of chairs to the face. But what of his plunderin', his hole searchin'? My sentiments exactly. Why don't you and I head down to the cellar, grab a lantern, plug in a laptop, and exchange awkward looks while you read "The Peculiar Circumstances Surrounding the (Previously) Super-Secret Travels of Geraldo Rivera Following the Taping of The Mystery of Al Capone's Vault?" Give up stuff that sucks for Lent and pay the folks at Hobo Pancakes a fine how-do-you-do.

Friend Request Denied

Looking for love in all the wrong places, Johnny Lee-style? Get on the Internet, you nitwit! And don't be bashful about ante-ing up with Social Security/bank routing numbers. It's just your computer's way of saying, You deserve the very best. Let's find you a mate in your tax bracket.

All of these life lessons, plus a handful more (I mean, let's not get crazy here), lie within "Broke-Ass James Taylor," a pre-Valentine's romp concerning underemployment, loves lost and found, and mid-range appetizers. XOXO to folks at Burnt Bridge (aka Best First Date Ever).

Human Resources

The Double-Dip Recession has posed unique challenges to us all, especially the platinum-reinforced among us. Still interested? Prove it by take a long look-see at Issue 19 of Blood Lotus, where "RoboCop is Always Very Busy in Mid-June" is patiently waiting for you in the Fiction portion. Make it a Super-Casual Friday and read this shit instead of boning up on Staple Replacement Best Practices.

Shut Up And Take Me To Dress Barn

Snowed in? Pinned under the smoldering remains of a '94 Jeep Cherokee on the side of I-80? Perfect! You now have the free time with which to peruse the debut issue of The Cleveland Review. "The Shoppes at Heritage Trail" beckons, a dissection of the wild animal attacks and C-list promotional appearances plaguing our nation's malls. Several thanks to the new pals at TCR for the roster spot.